Going Under
by NefertariHime
Summary: "I won't be broken again/I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under". Code of Hero angst. Vaguely slashy. Beware!


_Author Notes: Yes, yes, bad me. Vaguely slashy stuff, but - of course - highly interprative. I tried to underline both the characters' hypocricy and ignorance to each other, but I dunno if I succeeded or if it's just a yarn of angstin'. Whichever. Ladies and gentlemen, Dinobot and Megatron!   
Disclaimer: Beast Wars: Transformers belongs to Hasbro-Kenner, and I make no money of its use. "Going Under" is the property of the band Evanescence. Not mine either._

**Going Under**

_So go on and scream   
Scream at me, I'm so far away   
I won't be broken again   
I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under_   
--Evanescence, "Going Under" 

~

So this is how it ends. What it comes down to. I must admit, I never thought it'd come to this; to words so bitter and actions so brutal that I'd willingly die to crush your dreams. 

I savoured the look on your face, you realise. Who knew I had it in me, eh? Mindless cruelty and gloating always seemed more of your speciality. Living up to your name and all. 

Isn't it amusing how love can turn to hate? I know I'm not the first person to point it out, and surely it must seem odd coming from the mouth of one as... throughly unpoetic as myself. But the point stands. Words cannot describe how much I loathed you, and I could see in your optics the same hate. 

I never sat down to consider it. I suspect you were the same. What would it have been like, do you suppose, if we had realised we felt the same. The stinging, gut-wrenching pain of a betrayed friend. It could've changed everything, couldn't it? 

Stubborn though we both are, we've always had a vague sympathy for those a similar minds. How we managed to cling together in that first, turbulent time escapes me; I never understood a single action you perpetrated, and you yourself told me that I all too often acted like an impassioned fool. Which is as good as an admission of lacking understanding gets from you. 

The same, basically, as what you told me just now. Just before I wiped out your last hope with a single lucky shot. Primus, but that look on your face made up for a lot. I'd laugh if it didn't hurt so much. 

Can you understand that hate, truly? Or are you too far gone in your mindless quest for revenge, to the point where I - even I - cannot find you. Lost, for good, in a sea of anger that will someday make you mad. You know it as well as I, but still you deny it. Even when you see the insanity lurking in your own thoughts. 

Oh, make no mistake. I know you as well as anyone; I know that you know. And would you believe that I would've tried to save you once? I would, if you'd asked me, which would of course be a futile hope, for though I am proud, your boneheaded lust for glory has always surpassed mine. 

For the good of the Predacons, my foot. You may have deluded yourself into believing it, but if you're honest with yourself, what do you really see? 

Yes, that's right. Just that old self-serving Decepticon spirit. Well done, my friend; and in that, at least, you've been living up to your name. What a shame someone didn't throw you off a shuttle, but who knows, it might still happen. If only it could have been me. 

Do you hear it? Do you see the fury and hatred in my Spark? Oh, they burn brightly for you; you've fed them well. How easily love turns to hate. 

Wait; what's this? 

Well, then. I'll be damned. 

Maybe you did know me well enough to play with me; to have me as just another pawn on your grand, mad chess board of life. But you never expected this, did you? That I could strike you down so elegantly, beat you at your own game. 

In the end you had to bow and leave the field, because in the end I always managed to surprise you. Did you expect me to give my life to stop you? You'll never defeat me, Megatron, even as I pass on to the Matrix, to whatever Valhalla awaits me. With whatever advantages you had over me, you still lost. 

Advantages... Oh, yes, there were many. 

I burned brightly for you, once, my dearest friend. Once these deep-seated habits of my Spark were not of hate and fury. Back when we would've died to help each other, not stop each other. Once, I might even have followed you to the Pit and beyond, before I saw the lunacy lurking in your optics. Before I saw you starting to sink. 

You held the board, you realise; you always had the greater arsenal to mine, but in the end I knew you better. Manipulation and scheming, your trademarks, yet I excelled past you in this, the very final test. 

You were the strongest; you could've crushed me. And Megatron? I know why you didn't. 

I win. 

~

So this is how it ends. What it comes down to. I must admit, I never thought it'd come to this; to desperate actions on both our parts, so dark, so dangerous that even I shied back. You took pleasure in destroying my plans, didn't you? Of course; how easily you've turned from me. 

Oh, I could see the hate playing through your optics, like mercury running over gravel. How I regret not being able to stay watching your Spark expire, that hatred fading from your optics as you died. Died and abandoned your Maximal friends. I hope they suffer. I wish I could tell them of what you really are; they'd be surprised if they knew how bitter you are. 

Hah, 'are'. Soon to be 'were'. 

Shall I mourn you? Why? After what you've done. You wouldn't understand the pain of abandonement, and of betrayal. You never even really tried. 

I must admit - with some reluctance - that you confounded me in the end. Dying for a few worthless organics and for a race that would enslave your own. If you even count yourself as one of us anymore. 

Shall I mourn you, Dinobot? You wouldn't expect me to, would you? To do anything but have a quiet cheer, and then go sulk because you spoiled everything. 

Ah, you're so naive. Still there remains a bit of the Disk, still I know where to find the rest of what I need. The Widow thinks I'm ignorant; you must have thought the same. 

And to think, you claimed you knew me. 

Always have an ace up your sleeve, you know I'm that way. In the end, your sacrifice was meaningless; it brought only grief. I will prevail, and with me our entire race. 

Shall I mourn you? Oh, yes. I shall mourn what you were and what you've become alike, for there were so much else I'd have liked to bring upon you. 

All you've done ends here; on a meaningless little planet in the past. Your memory will be cast aside while I stand tall. Where you could've been, beside me, there will be nothing now. 

All you've done, Dinobot, was surrender the board to me and lay down your king. 

end


End file.
